DigDong Voldemort's Dead
by elle127
Summary: When Sirius Black runs over You-Know-Who on that fateful night the whole Harry Potter storyline gets turned upside down.
1. Chapter 1 The Flying Motorcycle Incident

**Ding-Dong Voldemort's Dead!**

**Elle:** _Hey guys, I first wrote this story three years ago on when I first started. Recently I uncovered a printout in a mass of old stories and figured what the hell? In honor of __**Half-Blood Prince**__ coming out in theaters in the US, check it out as well as my other Harry Potter tribute: __**Bleached Potter Part One**_

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Chapter One: The Flying Motorcycle Incident

Lord Voldemort was on a mission, a mission to destroy the problem child named Harry Potter before the boy could destroy him in more ways than one. Voldemort figured he's wipe the child out early to alleviate one pressure of being an all powerful psychopathic dictator.

So sneakily, like a ninja Voldemort crept up to the Potter's door and was about to pull an EFE when out of nowhere a motorcycle of gigantic proportions revved its engine. Voldemort drew his wand with the intention of destroying the hunk of metal when suddenly there was blackness.

"Hey man," the man atop the machine killed the engine to see what he had just ran over. He hoped it wasn't a person. The man was young, about mid thirties with long black well kept hair. Sirius Black leapt off his pimped out motorcycle to inspect the damage.

Hearing the commotion outside, the residents of the Potter house, James and Lily, came out to inspect the damage. James caught sight of his best mate leaning over a corpse on the ground, with a distraught expression.

"Sirius mate," James said walking off the threshold cautiously. "What are you doing here?" Sirius stood up weakly revealing a dent and scratched paint on his motorcycle. His tears had nothing to do with the man under the bike but they were for the bike itself.

"I killed a dude," Sirius said weakly. "James, you gotta help me mate. If the ministry finds out about this I'm gonna end up spending my life in Azkaban. I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Mate, why are you complaining," James asked his friend. "You killed Voldemort, you saved my sanity!" and without warning James launched himself at Sirius and began to hug and kiss his best friend. Lily shuddered and covered her eyes.

"James, mate, what the hell man come on," Sirius yelled as James was now crying.

"James," Lily said sounding disgusted. "Really do you have to?"

"Yes honey," James said finally pulling himself off of Sirius. "And somebody has to tell Dumbledore. I feel like singing!"

"Please don't James," Lily said. "I just got Harry to sleep and of your nails on chalkboard voice wakes him up have fun trying to get him back to sleep."

James slunk back into the corner fearing Lily's rage was about to dawn upon them. Sirius was examining the damage done to his motorcycle with more and more tears welling up in his eyes.

"That's gonna cost me," he moaned. "It cost half a paycheck to get this badass paintjob. Now this shmucks gone and ruined it!"

"Get over yourself will you mate," James said as Ministry of Magic officers came swooping down upon the Potter's residents. "If Weasely finds you crying over the bike then God only knows what'll happen"

"Mr. Potter," a woman came up to James and Sirius holding a notebook and a quill. "I'm Rachel Wood with the Auror Department; can I get a detailed account of what happened?"

Lily had come over to James and Sirius as Ministry Officials were examining the body of Voldemort. They had everything a muggle CSI team would have expect that they were wizards.

"I was flying the bike," Sirius said a bit hesitantly. "And I kinda ran over Voldemort"

Rachel gave a sharp intake of breath as Sirius said the name but she got over herself as she scribbled Sirius's statement into her logbook. She looked up expectantly as though waiting for Sirius to elaborate on his tale and when he didn't she spoke.

"Mr. Black," Rachel said briskly. "Would you care to elaborate?"

"I added rims to the bike yesterday?" Sirius said. Rachel put a great deal of effort into not rolling her eyes. "Look, I dunno why you're complaining I just kinda killed Voldemort. I'd expect some sort of jubilation."

"You are aware that it is against the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts clause 317091 to put such enchantments on the said vehicle without the proper permit right?" Rachel said getting back on subject. Sirius looked at her blankly.

"I killed Voldemort," he repeated bluntly.

"No matter," Rachel said writing a slip and handing it to Sirius. "I'll have Arthur Weasely look into it."

She left and James made his way over to his befuddled best mate. Sirius stood there looking at his motorcycle as CSI: Wizarding World treated it like a crime scene.

"Mr. Black?" a much younger Arthur Weasely approached James and Sirius. He still had a heedful of hair. James pushed Sirius toward the Ministry of Magic official.

"Hi," Sirius said nervously. "This is the part where you arrest me about the bike isn't it?"

"Not really," Arthur said kindly. "I'm just going to pretend I lost my slip book and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened. Besides, CSI will take the bike anyway. If I were to confiscate it you wouldn't have gotten it back. At least CSI will give it back to you in a few days."

Sirius smiled weakly as James slapped him on the back. After bidding the younger men a goodbye Arthur Weasely turned to join his coworkers in the removal of Voldemort's body from under the motorcycle and off the Potter's driveway. Lily walked over to her husband and his best friend holding their one year old son Harry.

As the ministry wizards disapparated a whole new cast of wizards apparated in their place and these newcomers were much less pleasurable.

"Sirius Black," a woman with bleach blond hair and two inch crimson nails. "Just the man I wanted to talk to. I'm Rita Skeeter with the Daily Prophet and I was hoping you'd be able to give us a few words on the occurrences here?"

"I'll give you a few words," Sirius muttered. "Get the hell outta here"

Rita looked taken aback by his sharpness and pressed further but stopped when James stood up his hand going for the wand. Rita seemed to recognize her failed attempt and left with nasty mutterings of 'I'll be back' leaving James, Lily, Harry, and Sirius alone on the Potter's porch.

Lily left muttering something about feeding Harry leaving the two thirty-something year old guys alone on the porch. Sirius stared at the spot where he had run over the most evil wizard in all time. James stared at it too as if the empty space now concealed with magical crime scene tape would speak to him.

"You know mate," James said breaking the silence. "I wouldn't be here tonight if it wasn't for you."

"You owe me a paintjob there mate," Sirius said with a weak chuckle.

"Man hug?" James asked.

"Man hug," Sirius answered. The two men shook hands with the right and hugged each other with the left letting go quickly. James went to go inside when Sirius stopped him.

"Mind if I crash here tonight?" Sirius asked. James cocked an eyebrow before his signature grin crossed his face.

"Sure mate," James said. "I just got English Premier Quidditch on Wizard Station and I've been dying to pit Puddlemere United against the Tutshill Tornadoes"

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**Elle:** _review please and let me know what you think so far :)_


	2. Chapter 2 No Longer Under House Arrest

**Elle:** _Since they don't have electronics in Harry Potter, I have established the wizard alternative: Wizard appliances! Example: Wizard Station is like a PS3, Xbox360 or Wii. Wizard Vision is a TV and Wizard Dish is a satellite dish_

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Chapter Two: Friends

Harry had woken up in his crib and sounded the alarm, screaming as loud as his little lungs would let him. Lily, who had been sleeping in the bed, awoke with a start at her son's cries. She rolled over realizing that after the night they had just had James's side of the bed was empty.

Sighing she went into baby Harry's room and picked up the one year old, putting him on her shoulder and taking him into the kitchen to prepare his bottle. She walked past the living room and paused momentarily forgetting that she had a crying baby on her shoulder. He husband and his best friend were asleep on the floor and couch respectively with the Wizard Vision turned on displaying the pause menu from the Wizard Station game _English Premier Quidditch._

"Men," she muttered to herself. "They never grow up."

She proceeded into the kitchen and began to make Harry's bottle by magic as well as whipping up some eggs and bacon for herself. The immature men who had stayed awake all night playing on the Wizard Station would have to make their own breakfast.

James and Sirius lumbered into the small country kitchen holding their heads. Lily cast them a reproachful look before focusing all of her energy into the bacon. James groped the cabinet for something and then his hand reemerged clamped around an eight-ounce potion vial. Lily shook her head as James poured the purple potion into two shot glasses and handed one to Sirius.

"Bottoms up mate," he said groggily and they both downed the liquid. Instantly they perked up back into their normal selves.

"Dude," said Sirius. "What the fuck is that? That shit works great!"

"Oh!" Lily snapped three seconds away from beating Sirius over the head with a frying pan. "Language"

"She's got soap," James hissed to his friend in a low voice. "I'd be careful if I were you."

Sirius seemed to head James's message because there were no more outbursts from him. James busied himself with breakfast for the guys while Lily continued to feed Harry. Suddenly an idea popped into James's head.

"Hey," he said to both Lily and Sirius. "Puddlemere United is playing the Montrose Magpies this afternoon and Wizard Vision's ESPN's broadcasting live. Lily, since we're no longer in any danger would it be possible to invite a few guys over and watch the game?"

"Dude," Sirius said his eyes gleaming. "I got a Wizard Dish!"

"And Mike Wood's got one of those giant flat screen High Def Wizard Visions," James added.

"I'll get the Dish," said Sirius.

"I'll get the booze," said James.

"I'm getting out of here," Lily muttered.

~*~*~*~*~

All of Sirius and James's wizard friends began disaparating in James's driveway. Each of them were wearing a navy blue quidditch jersey with two golden crossed bulrushes emblemized on them. Many of Wizards had brought their wives and children. Arthur Weasely appeared in the driveway with his seven children and an expecting wife, Molly. Arthur was also wearing a blue jersey but his was different. As James led the Weaselys inside the house he stopped to examine Arthur's choice of wardrobe.

"Like it?" he asked James popping the collar like a pimp. James simply looked dumfounded.

"United changed styles?" he asked still confused.

"Heavens no," Arthur said as he and James made it into the kitchen and James cracked open a bottle of Fire whiskey. "This is an authentic Muggle football jersey. I saw a game on the wizard station and I have to say I'm quite the fan. You see, there are eleven players and they run around the pitch trying to kick a ball into a giant net."

"You are crazy," James said patting Arthur on the back. Leaving Arthur in the kitchen James went into the living room where he had the Wizard vision set up for the game. There was a loud crack outside and James ran out to see who was there.

A slender man staggering under the weight of an enormous Wizard Vision had landed in the driveway accompanied by his wife and five year old son. James ran forward and grabbed the other end of the Wizard vision

"Hey Mike," James greeted the man who had been Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team when James had joined in his second year. Mike Wood looked grateful that James was helping him with the giant Wizard Vision.

"High-def and everything," Mike said proudly. "Not even those muggle televisions can compare they're twenty years behind on times I swear."

Rachel Wood, Mike's wife found herself at the Potter's home for the second time in twenty-four hours. She was holding her five year old son Oliver by the hand as he dragged her into the house. As James and Mike carried the Wizard vision into the living room and began to install it. Rachel found Lily and Molly preparing snacks in the kitchen.

"Hello Lily," Rachel said picking up Oliver so he wouldn't run into the backyard. "How's the free life?"

"Interesting," Lily answered as a pot full of chili simmered on the stove. "This little soiree was James's idea"

"I think it's wonderful you two can come out to enjoy the world again," Molly said peeling tomatoes for the salsa. Lily smiled as Sirius came running through the kitchen followed by all of the kids. Rachel put Oliver down so he could go join them. From the sliding glass door the three women watched as Sirius supervised the children riding on toy broomsticks.

"Can I get either of you something to drink?" Lily offered Rachel and Molly. "I've got wine, butterbeer, fire whiskey…"

"No alcohol for me," Molly refused politely. "I'll just have water."

"Yes," said Rachel. "I'll just have water as well."

Lily looked at her two friends. She knew Molly was due in a few months, but Rachel?

"It's a girl," Rachel announced clearing up any suspicions. And there were many delighted squeals coming from the kitchen.

Meanwhile in the living room James and Mike were staring at the Wizard vision which was producing a blank screen. Mike was halfway between the door and the living room watching Arthur who was on the roof fighting with the dish.

"Tell him move it to the left," James told Mike.

"ARTHUR," Mike yelled. "MOVE THE DISH TO THE LEFT!"

Suddenly a picture appeared on the screen, two men were sitting at a desk wearing Puddlemere United Jerseys and discussing pre-match tactics.

"KEEP IT THERE!" Mike yelled. Arthur affixed massive quantities of spell-o tape to the base of the wizard dish keeping it in place. He climbed off the roof via the trellis and sat down on the couch wiping sweat off of his face. James came back a few minutes later and handed Mike and Arthur a pint. They toasted before they started drinking.

Sirius wandered in after leaving the children with the women and sat down on the couch next to James. The four men were now squished together like a pack of sardines.

"Weasely," Mike said helping himself to a nacho. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Like it?" Arthur asked once again popping his collar. "It's an authentic muggle football jersey. CFC, Chelsea Football Club, I'm rather found of the sport. There are eleven muggles that run around the field chasing a ball and trying to kick it into a giant net."

"Oi mate," Sirius said. "Pass Weasely a pint will ya, the game's startin'"

"Glad to have ya back mate," Mike said reaching across Arthur to slap James across the back. "Next time United plays in London I say we go, just the four of us. Now that Potter's out of house arrest I think we can wrangle it"

"Can't your son reel off United's starting line up without looking?" Sirius asked.

"Yes he can," Mike said beaming. "He's gonna be Gryffindor Quidditch Captain when he gets to school, I can feel it. Signed him up for little league yesterday."

"How freaking awesome would that be if our son's played quidditch together at Hogwarts?" James asked not taking his eyes off the game. A Magpie chaser had stolen the quaffle from a United chaser and was going to score when the United Keeper blocked him.

"Yeah and they played against and beat the shit outta Flint and Malfoy like we did," Mike added as the United Chaser scored the first goal of the match.

"GOAL!" All four men stood up and cheered high fiving each other before sitting back down and watching the match.


	3. Chapter 3: Ten Years Later

**Elle:** _sorry about the long wait, i've been really busy. The next chapter will be up sooner I hope_

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Chapter three

Ten years had past since Sirius Black had run over Voldemort with his flying motorcycle. The Potter's son Harry was now eleven and walking down Diagon Alley holding his mother's hand. His Hogwarts letter had arrived in the mail yesterday along with an ad from Quality Quidditch Supplies about the Nimbus broom line which was supposedly releasing its newest prototype, the Nimbus 2000 today. James thought it was the perfect time to take a little adventure into Diagon Alley.

"Look at how shiny it is," James said joining the gaggle of student's admiring it. "Supposed to go zero to sixty in three point five seconds and can get up to a hundred in less than ten. Mahogany handle, best there is."

"Yeah but Firebolt's supposed to be releasing a line in 93," Mike Wood had appeared out of nowhere with his son Oliver who was now fifteen. "Start putting your Knuts in a jar now Potter"

James and Mike started talking about Puddlemere United's last match against the Tutshill Tornadoes. Harry had released himself from his mother's hand to stare at the broom. He had been taught everything about quidditch by his enthusiast father and couldn't wait until his second year when he could try out for his house team. He hoped that Hogwarts offered intramurals for the first years even if they did have to ride the school brooms.

"Harry," Lily said jarring the boy from his thoughts. "Let's go get your books while your father talks quidditch with Mike ok?"

Ten minutes later Harry emerged out of Flourish and Blotts holding a large stack of books. Sure enough James and Mike were still discussing quidditch outside the store.

"Merlin look at the time," James exclaimed when Lily was in earshot. "Catch you later Mike, taking Harry up to Ollivander's to get his wand."

James and Lily walked Harry up the street to a small shop in the middle of the alley. James opened the door letting his wife and son inside before he walked in himself. As soon as the door was shut, all the noise from the street was cut off, leaving the Potter's in a dead silence until a little old man slinked out of the shadows.

"Mr. Potter," the old man said. "I wondered when I'd be seeing you, oh and Mr. And Mrs. Potter, how lovely to see you as well. I'm so glad to be rid of him and I assume you are as well. Well then let us not dawdle; let me see ah, here's a good one!"

Harry watched as the old man, Ollivander the wand maker, bustled about the shop and finally handed Harry a wand which he extracted from a long, narrow box. Harry took the wand and held it in his hand feeling rather foolish about it.

"Wave it and say…" James started about to tell Harry a simple jinx but Lily stopped him. Harry caught the drift and gave the wand a slight wave. Nothing happened except that Ollivander took the wand and handed Harry a new one. He waved it and still nothing happened. Muttering to himself Ollivander disappeared into the back of the shop and emerged holding a sleek wand and handed it to Harry.

"Try this, holly and phoenix feather," he said. Harry took the wand and waved it. Warmth spread through his hand and he knew this was the wand.

"Curious," muttered Ollivander. "How very curious; yes this wand is definitely for you Mr. Potter seeing as its brother gave you that…oh good heaven's you haven't got a scar have you?"

"What scar?" Harry asked now confused. "I haven't got one."

"Never mind," Ollivander muttered, "fifteen Galleons for the wand then eh?"

"Crazy old bloke," James muttered as they left the store. The wand was tucked securely in the parcels James was carrying. He promised his son that when they got home he would teach him a few hexes when his mother wasn't looking that way he wasn't behind when he got to Hogwarts. Harry was rambling on and on about the specs of his new wand to his mother when James stopped. There was another family of three ahead and their blond son resembled his father as Harry resembled James.

"Potter," the cold drawling voice of Lucius Malfoy said. His son, Draco, was eyeing Harry with dislike.

"Malfoy," James said eyeing Malfoy. They had been enemies since their own school days especially since Lucius's best friend was James's sworn enemy Severus Snape.

"I see you are with your family," Lucius said. "How very touching"

"Not as touching as the seventh year Slytherin who still slept with his teddy bear and blanky," James said simply smirking at the look Lucius was giving him. It was a cross between anger and embarrassment. Muttering something about quills he ushered his family away but not before his son Draco, turned to Harry.

"I'll see you at school Potter," he sneered before joining his family.

~*~*~*~

"Oh my god, it's Ron!" Harry yelled darting across the platform to where the Weasely family was standing. Lily, with the reflexes of a mother of an eleven year old, grabbed Harry by the collar before her son could dart into oncoming traffic.

"Oh my god, it's Harry!" Ron yelled attempting to do the same thing. Molly being the mother of seven was well tuned to small children running off and grabbed Ron by the collar before the final word had gotten out of his mouth.

With many tears from both mothers both Ron and Harry had gotten on the train, dragging their school trunks and were trying to find an empty compartment. Due to their small size many older students recognized them as first years and made every attempt not to let them sit with them.

Finally in the last car of the train they found a compartment that was completely empty and they both took full advantage of it.

"Lucky we found one eh?" Ron said slumping back against the padded seat.

"Lucky no one thinks to sit at the back of the train," Harry said. He closed the door but stopped as a toad hopped inside the compartment.

"Bloody hell," Ron said leaping up and trying to catch the slimy animal. Harry lunged forward and gasped it between his fingers. It gave a low croak. Both boys looked at each other for a moment as the toad croaked away. Harry opened his mouth to discuss options when the door to the compartment slid open and a girl in first year robes walked in.

"Has anyone seen a—is that a toad?" she asked. Harry held the animal out in front of him.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

"No," said the girl. "I'm Hermione Granger; I'm helping a boy named Neville find his. Can I, it might be his?"

Harry handed the girl the toad and she took off. Ron however had unpacked the sandwiches his mother had packed him.

"So how bout them Cannons eh?"


End file.
